So Many Things

I rarely blog but that certainly doesn't mean there aren't a ton of things on my mind. There have been so many times that I have wanted to turn on the computer and tell the world what is on my mind. But for numerous reasons I haven't done it. Something happened this evening that brought me here.
My last post was about baby and I getting engaged...on October 24 we were married in a church ceremony. I have nearly completed my second year teaching fifth grade, and I am looking forward to the summer. And a number of other things...far to numerous to discuss at any length right now.
But to those of you who have read my blog and especially to those who have left comments and I so amazingly grateful! It really feels amazing to have a voice and to know that someone is listening...even if it is just a few. :-) I'm really going to try to come back more frequently...especially since "the musings of a 20-something..." is about to become 30.
Blessings!

Soundtrack of Our Lives

This is a blog I wrote yesterday on our wedding website, and I decided to share it here as well...


They say that scent is the strongest sense connected to memory, but I'd have to say for me it's sound. Music has always played a huge part in my life. I grew up in a household where there was always some sort of music playing; the Gap Band, Rene and Angela, Atlantic Star, Tremaine Hawkins, War. We had a JVC record/tape player and it seemed that it was always on. I probably knew how to change the song on a record before I knew how to brush my own teeth. Some (even Baby) refer to me as an old head. That doesn't really bother me, in fact it makes me laugh. I hear songs on the radio that take me back to East Texas where we lived when I was 2 years old. And it always puts me in a good place. There are other songs that take me to early Spring 1992 when my father died. And while they don't always put me in a good place they remind me of a time that God helped me make it through.
Music has also played a huge part in Baby and my relationship. We don't necessarily have the same taste, me the old head, him the screw head...but we share our individual histories with each other through song and we create new memories with each other the same way.
I suppose I was already thinking about this topic being that we recently met with a potential deejay for the wedding, but then June 25 happened. Some have referred to that day as the "day music died." I don't like that name because I prefer to think of it as the day Heaven learned how to do the moonwalk. Great music never dies, unfortunately bad music doesn't die either. lol! Even more; great musicians live on with us forever, so live on Luther Vandross, Marvin Gay, Ray Charles, Donnie Hathaway, Sam Cooke, James Brown, Phyllis Hyman, Tupac, Biggie Smalls, Aaliyah, Left Eye, DJ Screw, Pimp C, Barry White, James Cleveland, Rev Paul Jones, Bob Marley, Jimmy Hendricks, Nat King Cole, Gerald and Sean Levert, Michael Jackson, and many more. May your souls find rest. We thank you for lending your talent, leaving your legacy...lifting our hearts and putting our lives to music. You are the artists on the Soundtrack of Our Lives!

It Finally Happened!!

I haven't blogged here in quite a while...but I did want to update people on my status. I am currently teaching 5th grade and I love it. And the real big news is in about 116 days Baby and I are tying the knot!!

Life's Unexpected Turns

I'd like to introduce you to Mr. Elton Cosby Jr. Unfortunately, I cannot because I never got the opportunity to meet him, myself. But from everything I've heard this was one stellar young man. He'd received his Bachelor's degree from Baylor, a Master's degree from Hampton University, and was working on becoming a physician at Philadelphia College of Osteopathic Medicine. Last fall, Elton was diagnosed with Lymphoma and he passed away on Mother's Day.

In December, a friend asked me to add Elton to my prayer list. And I did. Daily, as my mother and I drove down the Beltway to work we'd pray for him. It wasn't important that I'd never met him or that she (my friend) only knew him as her cousin's boyfriend. But it was important to remember that the Bible says that "the prayers of the righteous availeth much." Even this morning I prayed, "Lord, touch Elton Cosby Jr. Touch his family and friends and speak to them through him."

Everytime I pray for him, I remind myself to get an update. I guess I always forget because in the back of my mind there lies a little dread. So, this morning I'd spent an hour or so researching the death of a 20 year-old girl who died in a motorcycle accident two weeks ago. She grew up only blocks from me. I googled her and found her myspace page. So, I figured that I'd do the same with Elton. Well, much to my dismay, there it was, a post on the Houston Chronicle courtesy of legacy.com. God, how my heart sank.

I don't know if I've said this here, but we had a poem that hung on our wall for many years entitled "Each Life Affects Another" by Amanda Bradley

We may not always realize that every thing we do,

affects not only our lives but touches others, too!
For a little bit of thoughtfulness that shows someone you care,

creates a ray of sunshine for both of you to share.
Yes, every time you offer someone a helping hand...

Every time you show a friend you care and understand...

Every time you have a kind and gentle word to give...

You help someone find beauty in this precious life we live.
For happiness brings happiness and loving ways bring love;

And Giving is the treasure that contentment is made of.

And that is certainly how I'm feeling right now. Affected. A bit lost. Confused. Battling with acceptance. I really had hope that he'd make it through. That he'd walk down the aisle with Ashley. That he'd officially become Dr. Cosby. That I'd get the chance to shake his hand, and tell him how his life has affected my own.

A few weeks ago, my mother and I had a talk about death and suffering. We pray for people who are ill, who are hurting...and we often hurt for them and ourselves. But we pray our will, when they have a will of their own. And just because God doesn't answer our prayers the way we hope He would, doesn't mean that He hasn't heard the cries of His children. He hears us, He knows all about us, He loves us, and He takes care of His own. I don't have any wise words. I really don't have anything else. I'm pretty emotionally drained, today, as I prepare to visit my great-grandmother in the hospital with a broken hip and blood clot in her leg, and take dinner to my great-grandfather who's home alone with severe asthma and glaucoma; and Wednesday, I'll go to the homegoing service of a man who right now feels like my last ounce of the Good Ole Days has finally slipped away. So pray for me and I'll pray for you.

God's will isn't always the most comfortable place...but it's always the safest place.

The words of a friend.

B.L.O.O.M.

Life likes to throw all types of things at us. And it seems like more often than not I get hit, square in the forehead. Work has been coming at me fast and hard, lately. I am extremely grateful for my job, but extrememly frustrated with it. Most of the people I work with tend to look down on my because they think I'm "just a secretary". None of them have really taken the time out to get to know me, or for that matter even mumble hello. The funny thing is, I was the one who was reprimanded for not interacting with the group enough. (HILARIOUS!) So, anyway, I'm trying to tunnel my way out of here, but for the time being, I must make the best of a bad situation.

Last month, a minister visited our church for our Pastor's Anniversary. One thing that he said that stick with me, was that we must bloom in spite of our present circumstances. I've been praying for God to help me bloom, daily. It has been extremely difficult while also dealing with my own personal feelings of failure (simply because 10 years post high school my only significant accomplishment is graduating from college and that was 6 years ago). So, last week I decided to make 'bloom' mean something. This is what I came up with Believing Life's Occurences are Ochestrated by the Master! And that is how I'm going to have to make it through. I have to believe that God put me right where I am, right now for a reason...to increase my faith and dependence on Him and to know that He is ordering my steps.

...lead me and guide me, Lord.

For My Daddy

It's close to that time a year when I commemorate my father's life. This year will be 16 years since he was taken away from the people who loved him. Wow! A whille ago I composed a blog called, Time Doesn't Make the Pain Go Away, It Just Makes It Easier to Bare (or something like that). And it just kind of hit me, all of a sudden.

Anyway, before I was born...a few years before I was born, my daddy fell in love with the song "Aja" by Steely Dan and wanted Aja to be my name. My mom told me that a while back but today was the first time I heard the song. (I think 'Meagan' was my paternal grandmother's idea.) And now, it's in my system. It's a dedication to my daddy!

I think I may use this for one of my children. I've been thinking about babies a lot lately, but Baby tells me he's not ready. I can wait. :)

I love you, Daddy!!!

'

Dream Big

There are two phrases that, if used more frequently, could solve the ills of the world..."I'm sorry" and "thank you." Really just think about it. How many broken relationships could have been mended if both parties involved just said "I'm sorry" and meant it? How many suicides could have been avoided if someone had shown a little gratitude for a person's hard work. Those are the things that put people over the edge. Everyone wants to feel needed, appreciated, deserving of love...even God. When I returned to work after New Year's Day, the email below was in my inbox. It was truly a blessing and I want to bless you, my friends with the words of two very inspirational women...

THANK YOU
By Oprah Winfrey

I live in the space of thankfulness - and I have been rewarded a million times over for it. I started out giving thanks for small things, and the more thankful I became, the more my bounty increased.
That's because what you focus on expands, and when you focus on the goodness in your life, you create more of it. Opportunities, relationships, even money flowed my way when I learned to be grateful no matter what happened in my life.
"Say thank you!" Those words from my friend and mentor Maya Angelou turned my life around. One day about ten years ago, I was sitting in my bathroom with the door closed and the toilet lid down, booing and a hooing on the phone so uncontrollably that I was incoherent. "Stop it! Stop it right now and say thank you!" Maya chided. "But - you don't understand," I sobbed.
To this day, I can't remember what it was that had me so far gone, which only proves the point Maya was trying to make. "I do understand," she told me. "I want to hear you say it now. Out loud. 'Thank you.'" Tentatively, I repeated it: "Thank you - but what am I saying thank you for?"
"You're saying thank you," Maya said, "because your faith is so strong that you don't doubt that whatever the problem, you'll get through it. You're saying thank you because you know that even in the eye of the storm, God has put a rainbow in the clouds. You're saying thank you because you know there's no problem created that can compare to the Creator of all things. Say thank you!"
So I did - and still do. Only now I do it every day. I kept a gratitude journal, as Sarah Ban Breathnach suggests in Simple Abundance, list at least five things that I'm grateful for.
My list includes small pleasures: the feel of Kentucky bluegrass under my feet (like damp silk); a walk in the woods with all nine of my dogs and my cocker spaniel Sophie trying to keep up; cooking fried green tomatoes with Stedman and eating them while they're hot; reading a good book and knowing another awaits.

I hope you all were blessed by the words of Ms. Winfrey and Ms. Angelou! But think about your pray life. When we pray, we have a tendency to ask God for this and that and complain about how unfair life is. But do you really want life to be fair? Because if Justice had it's way...I can only speak for myself...but I would have been wiped out a long time ago. God says, "while you complain about not having caviar and crumpets on your table...be grateful for those sardines and crackers, in fact be grateful that you even have a table!" You say that you want to live like a superstar, thank God that you are alive. Thank God that you can see the stars. Thank God that He has control over your life. Thank God that you can imagine having a better life. Do you realize that there are people in this world who do not know that there is anything better than eating garbage and sleeping in tents? Mind boggling, huh?
I am going to leave you with another word from Ms. Winfrey and my favorite scripture...
"God can dream a bigger dream than you can ever imagine." (Oprah Winfrey)
"Now unto Him, who is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that you can think or imagine." (Ephesians 3:20)